Episode 202. Country Beyoncé and Breaking Down the 'Stay in Your Lane' Mentality
Now, it's not my usual style to dive into internet drama, but sometimes, you come across something that hits close to home. Recently, I stumbled upon a post on Facebook where someone suggested that “Beyoncé should stick to her own lane and stay out of country music.” Now, this struck a chord with me, not just because I'm a fan of Beyoncé, but because it's reflective of a mindset that we should have left behind by now.
Let's break this down together and understand why such comments are not just harmful, but also a reflection of someone's own limiting beliefs. As we enter 2024, it's high time we move away from shrinking ourselves and others based on preconceived notions.
As a woman entrepreneur who has faced her fair share of challenges and risks, I feel a responsibility to address these harmful comments. Moreover, as a mother to black children, it's crucial to speak out against perpetuating stereotypes, especially when it's coming from one (white) woman about another (Black) woman.
The claim that someone should stay in their lane is essentially a projection of the individual's small perception of themselves. We shouldn't be putting people into boxes, whether it's about their music, their work, or even their role in motherhood. We are here to expand, evolve, and try new things.
Now, if you're in a position of influence, be it as an entrepreneur, mentor, or guide, remember the sacred responsibility that comes with it. Your words carry weight, and they can either inspire or discourage those who look up to you.
Putting someone in a box not only limits their creative expression but also goes against the universal commandment of being fully expressed as individuals. The journey to self-expression involves shedding old layers and making space for the new, for your soul's expression.
I'm currently diving into an audiobook on creativity, and it emphasizes that some of the best art can be polarizing. Not everyone has to like it, and that's perfectly fine. Our world needs a spectrum of voices, flavors, and expressions.
So, instead of limiting others, let's be aware of our reactions and thoughts when we encounter such statements. Here are a few questions for you to ponder: 1) Can you cheer for others when they take risks? 2) Can you allow yourself and others to step outside of boxes and labels?, and 3) Can you embrace people's highest possibilities?
It's time to break free from the old paradigm, hold visions of highest possibilities, and create a world where diversity and creativity flourish.
And by the way, have you heard Beyoncé's latest country tracks? They're on repeat in my car, and yes, I'm officially a country music fan in 2024. #influenced.
Try Honeybook & get 25% off:
https://share.honeybook.com/nichole35768
Try Descript with my link:
https://get.descript.com/c9non205vptz
Ways to work with Nichole:
https://www.nicholejoy.com/more
Connect with me on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/nichole_joy__/
Subscribe to the show:
Transcript:
Putting an individual into a box is shrinking them down into the smallest version of themselves.
Now, whether it's your pant size or your vocational prowess, the thing that you desire to do, the message that's on your heart to get out to the world through whatever expression that is, we aren't shrinking anymore.
You're also limiting an individual's creative expression. And that feels like a violation of universal commandments, if those were actually a thing
Okay. Okay. Okay.
, pause for these announcements. There are lots of different ways that I can help you and support you as you build your business, as you go along your motherhood journey or through your own personal healing, spiritual journey, all of the ways I can help you are linked in the show notes, but I'll also explain it to you very briefly, a high level overview.
Of what that looks like. Number one, there's full private one on one support packages. So that's me and you privately. It's a combination of messenger support and private calls, and it's all customized to what your needs are right now. The second way that I can help is done with you packages. So this is something that tends to be more specific.
You have a specific project in mind, be it. Creating and launching a digital course or creating and launching your podcast, email marketing, et cetera. This is something that we set aside time that I work with you virtually or in person. If you happen to be local to me and I hold your hand and walk you through launching your next project together.
The third category falls into the DIY style. So this is more, I do it myself, you do it yourself. So this is the self paced on demand version. It tends to be a lower price point because you go through the video modules of various courses that I have. There's a full course menu linked in the show notes and you walk through the modules yourself and it shows you tutorials, my perspective, teachings on a wide range of topics in the online business space with.
A spiritual flavor. And if you'd like something specific that you don't see, feel free to reach out to me, send me an email, send me a DM on Instagram and let's talk separately. I wanted to share with you that the birth worker retreat for 2025 is on the books. So there's also a link in the show notes where you can secure your seat.
And I highly recommend doing this sooner than later. If you know, you're going to be there because getting your hotel room under our room block in a timely manner. is of the essence. I have been pricing our room block rates compared to what's on the website. It is a very big difference as of right now.
So again, if you know, you're going to be there, secure your seat. And there's a pay option where you can choose a payment plan through Klarna. If you're interested in sponsoring the birth worker retreat of 2025, feel free to reach out to me privately and let's have a conversation.
Okay, quick caveat before you listen to this episode. I recorded this episode while I was during a spicy time of the month. I'll say it that way. So it is a little bit spicier of an episode than usual, but I think that everybody enjoys the spicy Nicole. So enjoy. The second thing I want you to know about this episode is you'll notice as you listen that I only briefly mention and reference how a comment like the one that I'm going to share with you in the episode is harmful, particularly for black women.
Because, and I did that with intention because I do want to bring it to the light and let you know that it's absolutely something that I'm aware of. More importantly, I'd like to bring on a woman of color to discuss this and have a dialogue and really center a black woman's voice in this conversation.
So that's something that I'm working on. And I hope to follow up with a part two where the whole episode is focused on and centered around a black woman's perspective on this type of harmful. Internet dialogue that unfortunately doesn't just occur on the internet.
Hi. So, you know, I don't normally fuss with internet BS, right? But when somebody says something on the interwebs that has the potential to do damage on multiple planes, and it happens to include one of my favorite artists of all time,
and when I know that there's another more expansive way to approach this particular topic. I felt obligated to speak on it. And no, it's not just because I like Beyonce's music like a lot. So here's what happened. I was on Facebook the other day. I don't often just scroll the book, but I was scrolling Facebook.
I saw somebody who was a friend, , say Beyonce should stay in her lane and stay out of country music.
and that just didn't sit well with me And again, it's not because I'm a fan of Beyonce's music. I actually don't like very much country music. I think I have two or three country songs saved in my total Apple music library
as a human being, witnessing another human being, make statements that further these old paradigm limiting beliefs. It's lady, it's 2024
We're not doing that anymore, right? As a woman entrepreneur
who has worked on cultivating the courage to put myself in the arena to take risks and to potentially fail at things.
And as a mother to black children who feels like she's not
An appropriate obligation to speak to other white women about how harmful this type of comment actually is.
And yes, this was said by a apparent white woman about a black woman.
Like, have we learned, have we learned nothing in the last four years?
So . I was sitting with, do I even want to share this? Do I want to talk about this? Is this important? And I decided that it's actually really important. It's really important , for all of those reasons. So what we're going to do is unpack why this is harmful.
And then I'm not just going to leave it there. . , what I'd like to do is highlight why it's harmful, and also provide alternatives, other things that you can think about or implement that may be more helpful in this particular type of discussion.
Quick commercial break. If you're starting or running a business and you're still sending contracts, invoices, all those things manually, or if you're asking for an actual signature on a contract, like with a pen in hand, allow me to welcome you to the 21st century. There are these beautiful software tools that make life.
So easy when it comes to technology. And specifically in this conversation, what I'm talking about is a CRM system, client relationship management system. And it's called honey book honey book. I've been using for several years now. It makes this digital process wild easy. If you know me, you know that if it's not easy, I'm not doing it.
I am a self taught elder millennial when it comes to technology. So I am always looking for the easiest, most efficient tools. And honey book is one of those. You can send invoices, contracts. Questionnaires, manage the entire client relationship on the portal, all customized. You build your own templates.
When I first got started with HoneyBook, I want to say it was 2020. They had me at one of the options. When you're signing up as what type of business do you have? They had me at doula. And now, of course, there are loads of other types of businesses that are utilizing HoneyBook. Give it a try. Let me know what you think.
My affiliate link is linked in the show notes, and I'd love it if you use my affiliate link.
Let's start with unpacking why this is harmful. show me that you think small of yourself without showing me that you think small of yourself, because that's what this comment is. It's a projection of that individual's perspective of themselves.
And that's what most comments are on social media,
because the people who think the world of themselves. And who have worked their spiritual asses off to get to that point aren't making statements like this.
Putting an individual into a box is shrinking them down into the smallest version of themselves.
Now, whether it's your pant size or your vocational prowess, the thing that you desire to do, the message that's on your heart to get out to the world through whatever expression that is, we aren't shrinking anymore.
You're also limiting an individual's creative expression. And that feels like a violation of universal commandments, if those were actually a thing. I do believe that . Part of the reason that we're here on earth is to be fully expressed as individuals and Peace. If you're not sure yet what that means, just go back and listen to some of my old episodes or stick around with me for a while.
It's something that I have been actively working on now for since 2016 I've been deconditioning, peeling off the layers. And then also when I peel stuff off, what am I going to fill it with? , what am I creating space for? Right? I talk a lot about creating space for things. So it's peeling off, healing, clearing stuff and creating space for something different.
So that's something different is your soul's expression. How can you express yourself and create space for these new versions of you when you're still holding onto old garbage? Right. And so part of our. Purpose in the world, I believe as humans is to be expressed, and sometimes that means trying different things.
In fact, that's almost always what that means because the whole point of this is expansion, right? , what are we here for? If not to expand, evolve and try different things. Are we supposed to be sitting in our cute little tiny boxes forever and ever? Amen.
We are here to be fully expressed individuals, and that includes our art, be it music, your work that you put out into the world, the clothes that you dress your body with, how you style your hair. It's all part of your soul's expression.
Quickie commercial break for anybody who is recording and or editing audio or video content for your business. Whether that's a podcast, videos for social media, pre recorded self paced classes for any of your digital courses. There is a new ish AI software that I started using in the summer of 2023, right around the time I started editing my own podcast videos.
And I highly recommend it again, self taught elder millennial. It's got to be easy. I was outsourcing the editing of my podcast for three and a half years because my brain just could not function with these old audio video editors. Descript is not that since I learned how to use it. I've been teaching my clients how to use it.
Many of them are self described terrible with technology. They figured out how to use it and they're thriving with it. It is that. Easy. And if you're still using zoom to record your video content, know that there's a recording integration. So you can replace your zoom recording with their own internal recording.
It's what I'm using for this right now, actually. And the quality is I highly recommend giving it a run. They have a free version that you can test it out to see if you'd like it. The link to check it out is in the show notes. I'd love if you use my affiliate link when you get started.
Now, let's also talk about if you are somebody who, is an entrepreneur, you're in the online arena, you're a mentor, a coach, a guide you have any sort of influence over a group of individuals,
that role is sacred. There is a lot of responsibility that comes with having influence upon other individuals
and it should be treated as such. This doesn't mean that you're always going to get it right, but when you have those moments, of perhaps not getting it right I hope that this episode helps you to shift, and we're going to talk more about what you can do instead in a minute. But let's get through the rest of this first.
So whoever your potential clients or your community are, whether they're budding entrepreneurs or upcoming doulas or parents to be, remember that they are watching you. They are listening to your words., And if they read something like that, coming from your page or your profile, instead of feeling inspired by somebody taking a creative risk, they might feel like, damn, maybe I should stay in my own lane. And that includes motherhood, right? Because even though it's not typically a creative outlet, I'm sorry, but motherhood, the way that I'm doing it is a creative expression.
Because had I stayed in my own lane of motherhood, I might still have a lot of the old motherhood beliefs that I had years and years ago that I've been peeling away piece by piece by piece and replacing with
a completely different version Of my motherhood medium. It is one of my mediums. It is my art. It is my work. The relationship that I'm building with my children is a expression of me and it's a creative expression of mine. . Art is every part of the way you live.
And so remember that if you're leveraging the internet or , say a podcast or a radio station or a YouTube show, whatever it is, if you are speaking to a group of individuals and you're getting into people's ears, just remember that there is a lot of responsibility that goes along with a position in a role like that.
And before you say something like that, remember that old thing we were told as kids? It's like, how would you feel if someone did that to you? I'm going to bring that back because I do think that that can be helpful sometimes. Imagine for a minute how you would feel if somebody took to the internet streets.
To make a big claim about you and say that you should just stay in your own lane, that maybe you shouldn't go and be a doula, or maybe you shouldn't go and be an energy healing practitioner, or maybe you're not cut out to be a mother
and perhaps you shouldn't talk about birth online because your background was corporate real estate finance because while we really liked you a whole lot better when you fit into that category of good little corporate girl, we are meant to test things out. We are meant to try things. We are meant to take risks.
And sometimes that means learning lessons, or what you might be considering as a failure. If you listen to me for any amount of time, you know that I really don't believe in failure. I believe that everything is a learning opportunity.
And let's go back to that original claim that somebody made on the internet saying she should stay in her lane. If there was any hint of failure or implied failure in that statement, I'm not sure what you consider to be a failure, but it sure as heck doesn't look like Texas Hold'em is failing.
I mean, it is number one on the billboard 200 global chart.
Anyhow, another thing I want to bring into the conversation is that I'm listening to this audio book on creativity. I forget the name of it right now. I One of the chapters describes that some of the best art that is created may be polarizing. There may be a lot of people who don't really care for it, and that's actually okay.
All art is not meant for everybody. All bodies of work are not meant for everybody.
And that's exactly why we need as many voices and versions in the arena as possible. So that we have more versions to choose from, so that we can find our correct people
when we're deciding what song to listen to on Spotify or Apple music.
Or if we're choosing which course to take on learning how to podcast,
there are loads of podcasting courses out there, some free, some are paid and still, I put out a podcasting course in the fall of 2023. Because this is my flavor. This is my version. It has my magic in it. And it's not for everybody.
and neither are all of the other ones out there. None of them are for everybody. And that's the beauty of it, right? This is why we need a variation of flavors.
Okay, . But what can you do instead?
Awareness. Become aware of what your initial reaction or thoughts are when you read something like that on the internet. And if you felt like you aligned with some of what was said, if you feel like you've often said that before, like maybe that person should stay in their own lane, maybe they should stick to music and not act, maybe they should stick to playing ball and not making music or something like that, it's okay, it's just where you were at, , the beautiful thing about that is you don't have to stay in that place,
you get to choose what you want to think and feel instead, you get to choose what frequency you want to emit out into the universe. And I for one, I'm not choosing that old paradigm version.
I'm going to ask you a couple of questions for you to sit with and ponder over the next couple of days, weeks, I don't know, whatever, whenever it comes to you. If you have any thoughts on these, , I would love to hear how you're processing these questions.
You can feel free to write me and send me a note and let me know what comes up for you. So number one, can you cheer for others when they try something new and take a big risk? Number two, can you allow yourself and others
to step outside of the boxes and the labels for sake? and number three, can you allow yourself to embrace people's highest possibility?
So when I do this, whether it's a friend, a family member, or a client,
I can see their highest possibility in my mind, and then I hold that for them. It's how I pray for them. . And I actually just realized that a couple weeks ago when I was seeing somebody post something to social media and everybody's like, pray for me, pray for me. I'm praying for you. I'm praying for you.
And I realized this is how I pray for people. I don't step into a church or a synagogue or a mosque to pray for somebody necessarily. , one of the ways I pray for people is by holding a vision of their highest possibility with them and for them.
It's me seeing what's possible for you and holding it with you and for you and believing that it's already happening and sometimes helping you get there in the now, right? Like, I believe it's already happening. It's just a matter of bridging the gap. And sometimes that's my job as the coach, as the guide, as the mentor, friend, family member is helping you to bridge the gap.
Okay, I hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you haven't already heard the song, Texas Hold'em is at the top of the Billboard charts. It's one of two of Beyonce's new country tracks. The other one is 16 Carriages, both of which are on repeat in my car and in my home. I have been influenced.
I am a country music fan as of February 2024. You heard it here first. Enjoy.
Okay. So what'd you think? Since words of affirmation are my love language. No, I'm just kidding. I don't really do love languages because I, I like all of them, but the truth is that recognition and feeling seen and heard lights me all the way up. I'm a projector. If you don't know about human design, now, you know, a little something, 20 percent of the population are projectors and we light all the way up when we feel seen, recognized, heard, heard.
And so by you giving me feedback, whether that's a rating, a review, a subscribe, sending me a note, letting me know if this episode resonated, it actually lights me up and it gives me more energy and juice to keep going and bring you more. Plus I'm forever grateful to hear your feedback for how my work is helping you.
So, you know, do all the things subscribe, rate, review, and I can't wait to hear from you.